Stuff My Roommate Says

I live with a Spanish/Italian man who is one of the most easygoing, helpful and sassy roommates I have ever had the pleasure of killing spiders with. He came all the way from the north of Spain to teach little ones and regale me with his stories and zumba moves. He's fluent in English, Spanish and Italian and enjoys sharing his insights with me as we sit around eating our rice and beans. And now, I share them with you.

"They are always eating me with their eyes"
(about the local women)

me - "look at the stars! Doesn't it make you want to go camping?"

him- "to me, this is camping."

"A poop and a beer are the best things"
(I mean, it's the developing world...bowel movements, and all that.) 

"You're welcome for the pearl of wisdom. I always make pearl of wisdom."
"Pearls of wisdom. Plural"
"No, just one. It is a very big pearl. With all the wisdom."

About a man hitting on me on the beach
"He didn't actually want you to teach him how to swim... how to swim in bed, maybe."

me - "this door is like a barn door..I'm like a horse"
him - "a whore! hahhahaah!"
me - "that's not that funny..."
him - "to me, yes."

(As we tried to eradicate a certain smell using my perfume)
"Now it smells like sweet poops. This is what poops a princess."
"What?"
"This is what a princess poop like. Oooh, I made a poop! Oooh, it so sweet!"

(On free time and Americans)
"It is only for holidays, and they start to drink! You can't handle free time, you just start thinking and are like, ahhhh! Three hours of free time and you start making strange hobbies, like frisbee in the winter on the beach."