Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Obligatory Rant Against Awful Lady Books

Recently, someone I really admired posted on Facebook about how much they loved Fifty Shades of Grey. It made me cry inside.

I read Twilight. Not Fifty Shades (I refuse on moral grounds). I don't know if I should even bring that book into it, since it sounds like badly written porn, which doesn't really constitute a book.

If you like these books MORE than just a guilty pleasure, but genuinely think they are good, worthwhile novels then you:

a. don't actually know how to read past a third grade level
b. don't know what good writing is
c. also believe the cast of Jersey Shore should lead our nation
d. don't want women to have equality or emotional freedom.
e. all of the above

Since a lot of people seem to fall into one (or all) of the above categories, let me help you out. Some solutions for your life.

a. being nearly illiterate is a problem. You should probably go back to school, where they will hopefully teach you to read a variety of books. Reading for pleasure might not be your new favorite hobby, but at least you will have tried. And at least you can finally understand things like wills or vacuum instructions.

b. Not everyone is going to be the next Dickens/Hemingway/insert great writer here. Not everyone will even appreciate all of the greats. That's ok. But you should at least be able to logically see the difference in the poetry of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's prose, or the emotion in Alice Walker's The Color Purple,  or J.K. Rowling's creative attention to detail, and the writing of Twilight.  Just as you can logically see that Nicki Minaj's song "Stupid Hoe" is less complex and nuanced than Mozart, or a lot of rap from the '90s, or K'naan or Regina Spektor. While you might still rather dance to Nicki Minaj than Mozart, at least you can see the difference.

Solution: read some good books. There has to be SOMETHING that was written with a tiny bit of talent that you would enjoy. Try The Hunger Games. No? Nothing? Then watch some good movies! There are plenty of them.

c. You're hopeless. Or suffering from head trauma. If it's head trauma, my apologies. Get well soon.

d. The anti-woman attitude of these books is my real problem with them. Crappy books abound. Crappy books that encourage their rabid 14-year-old fans to crave a suicidally co-dependent relations are (dare I say it?) evil. Honestly, it wouldn't be a big deal except for their popularity with young girls. I read Twilight, laughed at it, thought it was badly written but a fun read, put it down and moved on. The weird relationship between Bella and Edward didn't bother me until young girls started reading the books and wanting the same thing. I have younger female relatives and the last thing I want them reading as they enter the tough time of teenage-hood is about a young woman who wants nothing but her over-powering boyfriend, to the point that when he leaves, she throws herself off a cliff. And in Fifty Shades, the co-dependency is absolutely creepy (I mean, this book is porn, so I hope no young girls are reading it). Women of the world, do you want the young girls around you seeing you reading these books? Do you want them emulating the characters in them?

These books, and especially Twilight, are as damaging to young women as being bullied or inundated with photo-shopped models.

e. Go away.

Honestly, these books are just embarrassing to my gender. Thank God for The Hunger Games

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